Chronic stress can negatively impact many areas of our lives. Understanding that ultimately God is in control of the world minimizes our stress and anxiety. While we certainly must take action and make appropriate efforts to achieve our goals, it's crucial to recognize the fine line between these things. Once we've done what's reasonably required of us, we must learn to let go, trust in God, and take comfort in the knowledge that there is Someone managing the world.
Too Much to Do, Not Enough You
Practical and Spiritual Tools for Finding Calm in a Pressured World
It’s early in the morning, and even before brushing your teeth, the mental to-do list starts forming in your mind. There are endless things that must get done today, and the anxiety starts to build. The modern pace of life places constant pressure on our minds and bodies. Is there a magic fix? Maybe not. But there are certain tools-practical, emotional, and spiritual tools-that can help bring more calm and clarity into our lives.
Once Upon a Time… Life Was Slower
When we imagine life in the past, it often feels quieter and simpler. People planted vegetables in nearby fields. They owned only a few articles of clothing, which they washed in the stream. At night, before electric lights were common, they simply went to sleep. At dawn, they rose to the crow of a rooster. Their lives were filled with hard work, but not the kind that overwhelmed the soul.
Technology today has made our lives more convenient, but also more demanding. Things that once took two hours now take ten minutes, and we are expected to squeeze in more tasks and stay productive. No wonder digital calendars, endless checklists, and phone alerts have become essential. Life has become a fast-moving freeway, with a mental hourglass constantly demanding: “Do more. Do it faster.”
Emails pile up. Phones buzz endlessly. Work assignments arrive back-to-back, with constant reminders to increase our productivity. Our homes have become another arena of nonstop obligations, with dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and errands. And repeat.
So how do we respond to this relentless pressure?
Step One: Stop Trying to Please Everyone
Many of us feel an inner need to be liked and appreciated by our boss, our neighbors, and our friends. We overextend ourselves to meet others’ expectations, often at the cost of our well-being or values. Saying “no”-even discreetly, by simply not striving toward impossible standards-can feel like an act of rebellion.
In these moments, ask yourself: Am I managing my time effectively and responsibly? Am I being thoughtful and diligent, or careless? Will pushing myself harder damage my emotional health, my family life, my physical well-being, my spiritual values, or my home environment? If the answer is yes, that’s a red flag, and it’s time to recalibrate.
Remind yourself that trying to please others does not justify harming yourself. These are my capabilities, my strengths, and my time boundaries, which were given to me by God. If He wanted me to do more, He would have given me more. God doesn’t want me to burn out. He wants me to live within the limits He designed for me.
Often, our compulsion to overwork ourselves stems from a deeper need for external validation. People with lower self-esteem may feel a constant need to prove themselves and develop a habit of people-pleasing. The more rooted our self-worth is internally, the less we need to chase approval from others.
Psychoanalyst Yael Ofri explains:
People who depend too much on external feedback may develop the habit of listening outward at the expense of listening inward-trying to meet the perceived expectations of others instead of developing a strong, grounded sense of self.
Even if we don’t fully identify with this personality type, most of us have that inner voice that wants to be liked. That’s normal. But when you feel yourself drifting too far into people-pleasing, stop and ground yourself. Remind yourself of your talents, your accomplishments, and your worth. That inner confidence will help you say no-clearly or quietly-when you need to.
Your Worth Isn’t a Checklist
In today’s culture, it often feels like our worth is tied to our output-our salary, apartment size, GPA, and project list. Researcher Brené Brown calls this “the hustle for worthiness.”
But Judaism teaches a radically different message: Your value is not based on your performance. You are inherently worthy, simply because you were created in the image of God:
“And God created humankind in His image…” (Bereishit 1:27).
Each of us carries infinite worth, not because of what we’ve achieved, but because of who we are. We are precious, spiritual beings with a Divine soul.
Rest Your Head on Your Father in Heaven
The weight of responsibility can sometimes feel unbearable. When life feels overwhelming, it’s helpful to consider King David’s words in Tehillim:
“Commit your path to Hashem, trust in Him and He will act” (Tehillim 37:5). ”Like a weaned child with its mother, so is my soul (just as a weaned child has complete faith in its mother, so too I take complete faith in God)” (Tehillim 131:2). ”Cast your burden upon Hashem, and He will sustain you” (Tehillim 55:23).
Yes, we are expected to take action, but we don’t control the results. That’s in God’s hands alone. Our Sages taught that even something as small as stubbing a toe is determined by Heaven (Chullin 7b). Nothing is random. Everything is under Divine supervision.
Sometimes, the real work that needs to be done is internal:
“Be still, and know that I am God” (Tehillim 46:11).
Take a breath. Step back. And trust. There is nothing more calming than knowing that the outcome is not in your hands. When we lean fully on God, we are freed from anxiety and filled with true inner peace.
Everyday Tips for a Calmer Life
Here are some small changes that can make a big difference:
Think it’s impossible to die from stress? Think again.
The Japanese coined the term karoshi to describe a chilling phenomenon: death caused by extreme overwork or unrelenting workplace pressure. While the term originated in Japan, similar cases have been reported across several Asian countries.
The two most common factors leading to karoshi are chronic stress and lack of sleep-both of which can trigger heart attacks or strokes. Most victims of karoshi had consistently worked at least 50% more hours than the standard workweek in the period leading up to their deaths.
Richard Wokutch of Virginia Tech explains that the drive to appear loyal and dedicated to one’s employers and coworkers plays a key role. “Today, it’s more important to be seen at work-to arrive early and leave late.”
In a culture where burnout is mistaken for dedication, karoshi is a tragic reminder that stress isn’t just unhealthy. It can even be fatal.
Think it’s impossible to die from stress? Think again.
The Japanese coined the term karoshi to describe a chilling phenomenon: death caused by extreme overwork or unrelenting workplace pressure. While the term originated in Japan, similar cases have been reported across several Asian countries.
The two most common factors leading to karoshi are chronic stress and lack of sleep-both of which can trigger heart attacks or strokes. Most victims of karoshi had consistently worked at least 50% more hours than the standard workweek in the period leading up to their deaths.
Richard Wokutch of Virginia Tech explains that the drive to appear loyal and dedicated to one’s employers and coworkers plays a key role. “Today, it’s more important to be seen at work-to arrive early and leave late.”
In a culture where burnout is mistaken for dedication, karoshi is a tragic reminder that stress isn’t just unhealthy. It can even be fatal.
Just moments before the surgeon gave the signal to begin, the patient reached out his hand and gave the doctor a lesson so profound and unforgettable that it would remain with him forever.
Yosef was in his mid-seventies when he finally heard the full diagnosis. He had suffered for years from shortness of breath and chest tightness. But like many of us, he avoided the doctor and the necessary but frightening appointments we tend to put off.
“I’ll be fine,” he would say again and again. “The pain comes, but it passes. And besides, what do doctors really know?”
Born and raised in Jerusalem, Yosef was made of strong stuff. But eventually, the truth could no longer be ignored. His condition was serious, and it wasn’t going away.
He was never famous or in the spotlight. As a beloved teacher, a quiet spiritual mentor to hundreds, and a fortress of faith, he lived his life with quiet dignity and unshakable trust in God. Longtime Jerusalemites know people like him. They avoid the spotlight, shun honor, and quietly guide those in need of wisdom, comfort, or direction.
They don’t just serve God; they live with God. Every moment, every cell.
“You need to face the reality,” said Dr. M. “The medications aren’t helping. We’ve tried multiple treatments over the last few months. Only one option remains.”
Yosef listened calmly. He knew what was coming.
“The only remaining option is surgery. And it carries significant risk.”
Dr. M. laid out the details of the risky heart surgery, which was Yosef’s best and only realistic chance. Yosef didn’t ask about the statistics or odds. That wasn’t his way. But Dr. M. gave them anyway.
“I’ll be honest with you. Without this surgery, you won’t survive more than a few months. If it succeeds, you could live another 20 years. But there’s a 50% chance you won’t make it out of the operating room. The decision is entirely yours.”
Imagine the weight of such a decision. Think about his wife and children. Should they urge him to take the risk, knowing it might be the last time they see him? Or do they beg him not to gamble, hoping the doctors are wrong?
After many sleepless nights and consulting with great Torah scholars, Yosef decided that the risk was worth taking.
In the Operating Room
Soon after being admitted to the hospital, friends and admirers across the country-people touched by Yosef’s kindness and holiness-began praying for him. But only close family was allowed to accompany him in the final moments before surgery.
And then the moment came.
Yosef was wheeled out of the prep room, trailed by a small, solemn procession. His wife stood strong by his side. His granddaughter was there too, looking shaken. No one spoke. There was nothing to say.
That short journey down the corridor felt like an eternity.
At last, they reached the destination: the operating room. Time to say goodbye.
The room was a strange mix of sterility and gravity. This is where life hangs in the balance. This is where futures are shaped, and decisions echo forever.
Doctors, nurses, and staff moved quickly, checking last-minute details. Meanwhile, the patient lay still, taking it all in. So many people. So many machines. So many bright lights. All of it aimed at saving one human life.
The final preparations were nearly complete. Dr. M. introduced Yosef to the surgical team and briefly reviewed what would happen during and after the operation. No one mentioned the other possibility, the darker and ominous one.
“Good luck,” said Dr. M., nodding to the anesthesiologist to begin.
But just before the anesthesia could be administered, Yosef reached out from beneath the blanket and gently grabbed the doctor’s hand.
“If I may,” the elderly man said softly. “There’s something I must tell you before you begin.
“A few weeks ago, you laid out the risks. It was hard to hear and even harder to consider. You told me what I needed to know. Now I want to tell you what you need to know.
“If this surgery fails-if your intervention brings me death instead of life, you may, naturally, feel disappointed. You might even blame yourself for what happened or didn’t happen. You may begin to question your skills or lose faith in the procedure itself. And because of those doubts, you might hesitate in the future to perform this surgery on others-others who might benefit greatly from it.
“Please understand: life and death are in the hands of God alone. He, and only He, determines our fate. No matter what happens here today, you must continue your sacred work. You’ve been given extraordinary gifts, and you must use them-without hesitation, regret, or fear. If the surgery fails, it will not be your failure-it will be God’s will. I hope you understand.”
“I do,” replied Dr. M. “I understand. And I’m grateful.”
It was a quiet, eternal lesson. One that could only come from someone standing at the edge of life itself.
Dr. M. composed himself and turned again to the anesthesiologist.
But Yosef wasn’t finished.
“Oh, and one more thing,” he added with a smile. “If I wake up in a recovery room, I know you’ll be there by my side. And together we’ll celebrate a remarkable success.
“But know this, my good doctor: life is in God’s hands. Only He determines our fate. No matter what happens here today, you will never be able to take full credit for saving my life. You’ve been blessed with rare talents, and they must be used without arrogance or pride. You’re just a messenger of God, a cog in the wheel of His Divine world.
“If the surgery succeeds, it will not be your success. It will be the Creator’s will. I hope you understand.”
Dr. M. nodded solemnly. It was a moment he would never forget.
Yosef gave him a gentle smile.
And closed his eyes.
Epilogue
The outcome of the surgery, as powerful as it may be, isn’t the real lesson Yosef gave us that day. But yes-if you’re wondering-the prayers were answered: with grace, with kindness, and with mercy.
In our demanding lives, it’s easy to feel like everything depends on us. But sometimes, we must remind ourselves that the final result is in God’s hands. This belief lightens the burden we carry. As King David wrote:
“Cast your burden upon the Lord” (Tehillim 55:23).
We must do our part. We must act wisely. But the ultimate outcome rests with the One who runs the world.
(Adapted from www.aish.com)
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